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Kidswatter's Opus
"Kidswatter's Opus" is the first half of the eleventh episode of the second season of Wayside. Synopsis When Mrs. Jewls takes a day off, Mr. Kidswatter fills in for her as a substitute. Plot The episode opens in the principal's office, with Mr. Kidswatter bouncing around on a large red ball, when he gets a phone call from Louis that states that Mrs. Jewls isn't there. The ball he's bouncing on pops, and he karate chops open the wall to check the school rulebook, which states that when a teacher is absent and no substitutes or cows are available, he must report to the absent teacher's classroom. He panics, remembering a time he had to take over the kindergarten class, and falls over crying. When the bell rings, he walks into Mrs. Jewls's class and surrenders, before asking if it's safe to walk in. The students are surprised that Kidswatter is in the classroom, and Kidswatter explains that he is supposed to handle them, though he neglects to act as a teacher for the students. Mr. Kidswatter considers the students "handled" and decides to leave, but the kids decide to chase after him, asking what subject they'll start with. He tries to run away, but the students simply think they're starting with phys-ed, and chase him through the halls. He eventually makes it back to his office, only to discover the entire class is already inside. He falls over and cries, and all the other students try to imitate him. Dana asks if she's crying right, but Mr. Kidswatter tells her she should roll her eyes and thrash her arms more. Myron finishes crying, and asks what else he does all day. He decides to walk him through his daily adventures of paddle-ball, sleeping, blowing bubbles, blabbering on the phone, and blabbering over the intercom. But mostly the paddle-ball. Dana asks how he spells "blah," and he gives a muddled explanation. Todd asks if the word is in the dictionary, but he states he doesn't need any made-up words like that, before rapping over the intercom. The students simply stare at him. Myron looks at his trophy case and pulls down an old medicine ball, which Mr. Kidswatter explains his trainer would throw at his gut to toughen up his abs during his heavy-weight title days. Myron tries tossing it at him, but it simply gets absorbed by his gut, being heavier than he remembers. Maurecia spots many old action shots, and asks if he's a cowboy, and he says it's something like that, with a cutaway to him dressed as a cowboy riding a merry-go-round. He then shows off his ice-dancing trophies, which he keeps sharp in case anyone tries stealing them, and he throws it, accidentally hitting one of his self-portraits. Myron notices how sad he looks in all of them, and Kidswatter explains that his sadness is his inspiration, before painting another picture of him and a goozack. Stephen notices his bonsai, and Mr. Kidswatter explains how he trains it with his voice. The students are impressed by his achievements, and ask to see more. Mr. Kidswatter decides to show them around the school, showing off his mechanical bull and rodeo room, his wind tunnel room, and his planetarium and space travel simulator, before finally settling on showing off his favorite room, the skating rink. He explains that he enjoys combining his hobbies of ice dancing and fantasy role-playing, and tries to re-enact a dragon joust while pulling off a triple salchow. He begins the event, but his lance hits the ground and slings him across the room, and the ice cracks from the impact damage and the weight of his gauntlets. The students ask if he'll be okay, and he tries to get out on his own, but falls into the water before finally making it out onto the nearby ice. Myron throws in a lifesaver, but a little too late for it to be of any use. Back in the principal's office, Mr. Kidswatter is bundled up and shivering, noticing how cold his legs are, before remembering how he invented legwarmers. He dances for a moment, exciting all the students, and Todd admits that Mr. Kidswatter is way more interesting than he ever believed. Dana talk about all the new words she learned, the Three Erics talk about what they've learned in arts, sports, and fashion, and Stephen talks about how he's started training his pumpkin. Mr. Kidswatter is impressed to learn all he taught the students, and Myron says that they've learned so much from him, that it's not just inspiration, it's "Kidspiration!" Mr. Kidswatter decides it's time to show off more, but when he opens the door, Mrs. Jewls is on the other side. Mr. Kidswatter asks why she isn't sick at home, and Mrs. Jewls explains that it was her day off, and she was sick of being at home, so she came to school instead, leaving the message in his bouncy room. The students ask about his bouncy room, but before he can show it off, Mrs. Jewls decides to take the kids back. Mr. Kidswatter, realizing how much fun he had, is saddened by the loss, and decides to paint one last portrait, of himself and the students. Characters * Mr. Kidswatter *Louis (heard over phone) *Mrs. Jewls *Incidental 038 *Incidental 044 *Incidental 040 *Incidental 041 (final appearance) *Incidental 088 (final appearance) *Incidental 043 *Incidental 047 (final appearance) *Incidental 039 (final appearance) *Eric Bacon *Eric Ovens *Eric Fry *Todd *Myron *Dana *John *Rondi *Jenny *Elizabeth *Bebe *Leslie *Joe *Maurecia *Stephen *Shari *Bigfoot *The Loch Ness monster *Cow *Incidental 001 *Incidental 008 *Kindergarten teacher (final appearance) *Incidental 042 *Miss Mush *Incidental 005 *Incidental 010 *Incidental 016 *Incidental 012 *Incidental 050 *Incidental 004 *Mr. Pumpkin Transcript Read a transcript for "Kidswatter's Opus" here. Trivia *The red ball Mr. Kidswatter bounces on would later be re-used in "Imperfect Attendance." *Mr. Kidswatter karate chopping open the wall to get the school rule book is a reference to how he gets the ear earmuffs in "Music Lessons." *Despite it being treated as a rare occurrence that Mr. Kidswatter would walk into the classroom, he has many times before in the series, in the episodes "Age of Aquarium," "Mad Hot," "Teacher's Parent Conference," "Music Lessons," "Louis Gets Some Class," "Kidswatter: The Movie," and "Wayside Christmas." He would also walk into the classroom in this episode's sister, "The Three Erics." Additionally, in "Upside Down John," he walks up to the classroom, though he never steps foot inside. If the books are also counted, then he also appears in the classroom in the chapter "Music." *This episode, "Oh, Great Leader," "Cabbage, My Boy," "Music Lessons," and "Myron vs. Normy" are the only episodes where Shari is seen with her eyes open. *Mr. Kidswatter referring to Myron as "Merlin" during the fantasy role-playing scene may be a reference to the name of the wizard in the tale of King Arthur. Gallery See a gallery for "Kidswatter's Opus" here. Category:Season 2 episodes Category:Episodes